17

David&Chris

I never wanted to get married! Ever! Even as a child and young adult I found the institution of marriage so “old school”, something so mundane I did not want any part of it. In fact I still did not want to get married on December 1st, 1994.

Yet! Seventeen years ago today I woke up, went for a 6 mile run, took a shower, put on a pair of white jeans and black hiking boots, went down to the Santa Clara Superior Court House and tied the knot!

My mom was stunned into silence when I called her after the fact, . Believe me when I say that this had only happened a couple of times that I remember, one of which was the time I blacked out from alcohol poisoning in High School. Her only daughter, heck, her only child, had gotten married without her even knowing! In jeans! She eventually got over it and both her and my dad welcomed David into their lives as if he was their own son (the son my mother had hoped for when she was pregnant with me!).

17 years have passed since that day I threw out all of my resolve to never be a wife. I never looked back! To say that my change of heart was the right decision is an understatement. Although I had known for quite some time that David was the man I would spend the rest of my life with, license or not, I could not ask for a better husband. It has certainly not been all champagne and chocolate covered strawberries over here but we both realized early on that compared to what we had been through before we finally made our relationship official, nothing could tear us apart. Absolutely nothing! In fact every challenge has only brought us closer. Of course it also helps that David has the patience of a saint, is more driven than any other person I know and as hard a worker. His undying optimism has helped us weather many a storms, and so has his amazing ability to always work through any challenge that might be thrown his way. From the first day we moved in together David has always put me and our relationship first, has supported my need for running freedom, and accepted my weird attitude towards food and eating dinner as late as possible. He also buys me soy tea lattes and caramel frappuccinos whenever I want one or the other. We have had some incredibly good times together and I cannot wait for the adventures our future may hold.

Looking back on that day 17 years ago I quickly realized that this was really the only way I was ever going to go through with a “wedding”. David was game to do whatever I wanted, big or small, and the way it turned out was truly my day, including the reception dinner at TGIF (hey, it was good back then!).

At least my jeans were white!

In honor of our 17 years together here are 17 reasons why I love him:

*for his undying optimism even in the toughest of times

*for his love for Nelson

*and understanding how much I grief for this dog

*for always replying “not as hot as my lovely as my wife” when asked if a female celebrity is pretty or hot

*for his ability to fix everything and anything

*for his uncanny ability to budget

*for the fact that he can finish my sentences and often has the same thoughts than me at the same time

*for his impeccable work ethic

*for always looking out for others

*for always coming to my races and supporting me and my running buddies even though he is not a runner

*for his sense of direction

*for always making me feel save

*for the way he makes all of our friends feel welcome

*for always looking for ways to improve our lifes

*for not being afraid of new adventures and change

*for making me love him so much I would happily leave everything behind to travel with him in a Winnebago

*for making me laugh

Happy Anniversary, G1! I am looking forward to making forever last a lifetime!

Today’s Running Tip: Commit to a training schedule!

By committing to a training schedule and telling your friends, family, and especially your running buddies about it you will easily reach your running and racing goals for the year ahead.

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How do I do it?

“How do you do it?” “How do you make yourself go out every single morning and run at least 5 miles. Regardless of the weather. The heat in the summer?” “How do you stay motivated day after day?”

These are questions I hear often. From friends and neighbors that know I will do almost anything to get my run in. Even if it means rising long before dawn (I do have to confess that the early morning darkness creeps me out so I do try to wait for the first light).

This is actually a harder question to answer than I first thought. Because… I am actually never not motivated to run. Yes, you read that right! Even on “off” days, there is nothing that will keep me from heading out the door, even if it feels like a chore.

And it is certainly not a crime to think that running feels like a chore occasionally. Every runner – yes, even an elite one – has days where he or she has to drag themselves out the door for a training run. I call them “gray days”. On gray days I tell myself that I will only go for a couple of miles and see how I feel. Well, guess what? Once I get outside and warmed up I almost always run longer than I had planned. Once you have gone through all the trouble of putting on your gear and tying up your running shoes, once you have taken that initial first step, stopping is no longer an option. Ironically I have to push through most of my “gray” days during the summer months, when it is anything but gray outside and I almost exclusively have to train or run in 100+ degree weather with the sun beating down. In contrast to those of you who live in colder climates I actually use the tread mill during the months of May, June, July, August, and September, especially in August when Pier-to-Peak is looming. Often, just the thought of another five miles running like a gerbil is daunting, but then once I get to 2.5 miles, all doubt is gone, wiped away by the thrilling realization that I can get the last half over with as well. (Once, while traveling for work while training for a marathon I had my last long run scheduled and since the hotel was located in a very industrial area with no sidewalks anywhere to be found I did the long run on the hotel tread mill. I can tell you that I will never ever try to run three hours on a tread mill ever again! And that’s no lie!)

A lot of runners I know go with the “I will only do a short run today” approach when they don’t feel motivated to run, and almost all of them end up running longer than planned.

On the other hand, there will be days when you will have every intention to run long, to run fast, or to run long and fast. You are motivated and inspired only to experience the disappointment of a less than stellar performance. You end up feeling tired, your legs feel like lead, you have a nagging side stitch. Keep going! By all means take it easy on those days, cut back on speed and mileage but keep going, then take the following day off for a rest. It is always better to rest than to push yourself. Overtraining can lead to exhaustion, chronic fatigue and injuries. And in the end you always have to think about the motivation of the race you are training for.

When I trained for my fist marathon I joined Team in Training. I had a stepdaughter, Adrienne, who fought Hodgkin’s Lymphoma from the age of 9. Watching her deal with this disease for 13 years (!!!), was inspiration for me to never give up. I realized that no matter how tired I was, how difficult the training had become, or how inconvenient the time effort seemed, it could never compare to what Adrienne and so many others like her had and still have to go through on a daily basis. Talk about “inconvenience”! No amount of training can compare to chemotherapy, no amount of exhaustion could compare to the fatigue she experienced from radiation. And my time commitment paled in comparison to Adrienne’s treatment schedule, which she kept while graduating elementary school, then middle, and high school and eventually college. And no one ever asked her about her motivation!

So, if the race alone is not enough motivation for you to get out and train, you might want to think about joining a charity and run for a cause. There are various ones to choose from you just need to find a chapter in your area. If you are joining Team in Training you will be training and completing the race in honor of a patient battling a blood related cancer and raise money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. These so called “Honorees” could be children or adults, and believe me that they will be a huge motivation to keep on going. In addition you will have access to coaching and like minded people, many of whom have never run before (either). TNT has trained nearly half a million people for endurance events, marathons, centuries, triathlons, who have raised over one billion dollars.

Besides charities you can always join a local running club. There are many out there in almost every city and town, who are always looking for new recruits. You can find them by searching online or asking around in local sports stores. By joining you will always have the guarantee of meeting like minded, dedicated runners that can help you during the training.

Of course you don’t have to join a charity or running club to get yourself motivated. Maybe it is your New Year’s Resolution to finally get fit, maybe you have always wanted to finish a marathon, maybe it is your friend, the avid runner, who got you excited, or maybe you simply want to prove to yourself that it is possible to push yourself. Whatever it is, whatever gets you up earlier than usual instead of hitting the snooze button for the tenth time, whatever gets you into your running shoes after work instead of onto the couch, try to make it into a personal mantra.

And then paste your mantra to your mirror if you have to so you can remind yourself every day why you are doing this. It might seem like an odd thing to do but picking a short phrase that you can play over and over in your head while running can help you stay focused and centered. It can be your inner motivation when you need it most. Finding such mantra is not as difficult as you may think. It can pop into your head at any time, as you are listening to your iPod, chatting with one of your running buddies, or flipping through a (running) magazine. Pick one that fits your running style and personality: “Easy does it!”, “Harder, faster, stronger!”, or “Never give up!”

Your personal mantra will also accompany you as you go about your daily routine and will remind you to stay on track with your training. Steve Prefontaine once said “You have to wonder at times what you are doing out there. Over the years, I have given myself a thousand reasons to keep running, but it always comes back to where it started. It comes down to self-satisfaction and a sense of achievement.”

Another great motivator is a reward. After reaching a new milestone – you ran 20 miles, you finally got under 7 minutes while doing mile repeats – treat yourself to that cool new running shirt you saw in the store or get a massage. If you allow yourself small rewards you feel energized which in turn will reinforce your commitment to training.

And never forget to have fun! Because that’s really what it’s all about. Don’t make running another stress factor in your life. Instead of “no pain, no gain” think “no fun, no run”!

Part of the fun of training can be the food you will need to eat to keep you energized and properly fueled.

And of course there is no greater reward than the endorphin high that stays with you all day after a good run and the sense of accomplishment! It can be addicting…

Today’s Running Tip: Need more motivation? Read on!

A Second Life!!! Come on, people! Being able to run your uninjured body down the road should be motivation enough!!!

New York’s Finest - still daunted by the 5 miler you had planned?

Small Miracle - do you really have reason to whine about how early you have to get up?

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FourtyFour

Yesterday was the day I turned 44. FORTY FOUR!!! Meh! That means that I have been hanging  out in the Masters Division for four years now. It’s a good thing I still love and embrace my birthday every year because they sure come around fast. I remember as a kid when birthdays could not come fast enough and yet they seemed to take forever. These days I blink and it is June 6th again – time to celebrate! David is not into birthdays at all and would rather forget about his all together but I have to admit that I love my birthday. My mom always made sure that it was a special day for me and I still believe that since this is the only day of the year that is truly about you, it should be celebrated accordingly. Meaning: just as you want it!

Of course there are different levels of birthdays, those you celebrate BIG and those you just, well, celebrate. The decades are always special, the ones in between not so much. 44 is not all that special, although every year I am grateful that my aging body continues to allow me to run without major problems. Yes, there are aches and pains here and there and the occasional injury, but overall – knock on wood – it has afforded me to run long, hard, and always place in my age group in races. It’s pretty awesome and I try to treat it well.  44 years is a pretty long time to be alive and in those years I certainly learned a thing or forty four:

1. blood is not always thicker than water

2. beautiful children do not necessarily turn into beautiful adults

3. when you move away you will find out who your real friends are

4. karma is a bitch

5. water is still the best drink

6. bitchiness is always written all over your face

7. Vitamin D makes me happy

8. the past usually paints with a golden brush

9. parents posting photos of “first tooth lost” on the internet is getting very old

10. CROCS are not shoes

11. road trips are the best way to get around and see the country

12. the fun factor on group runs outweighs that of solo ones plentyfold

13. wool belongs on sheep not humans

14. shoes worn for more than 500 miles pose an occupational hazard

15. the loneliness of the long distance runner is no myth

16. fleece is genius…

17. …so is cotton

18. there are not many gray areas in general

19. when in … (insert any city here) do as the … (insert any city people here) do

20. trying that new hotspot Mexican restaurant is not a good idea the night before a long run

21. yelling usually leads to nowhere

22. Livestrong is a motto I can live strongly by

23. your child is not the best and prettiest to the rest of us

24. beans are not your friend…

25. … but carbs are

26. once you become a runner forget about your toes

27. use deodorant. Daily!

28. if you have to ask if something makes you look fat you usually already know the answer

29. wearing someone else’s clothes does not give you their body

30. kids’ clothes should all come in adult sizes

31. no one looks good in leather

32. bananas with peanut butter are the world’s most perfect food

33. don’t throw rocks in glass houses, don’t even throw pebbles

34. trust your instinct

35. McDonalds is not a restaurant

36. just because you experienced something once does not make you an expert

37. stockings should be outlawed…

38. …so should the word “panty”

39. not all Germans love beer…

40. …or wear Lederhosen

41. “Life” support has very little if anything to do with living

42. change starts with each and every one of us

43. you are only as old as you feel

44. don’t post ANYthing on the Internet that you don’t want the entire world to know about

Today’s Running Tip: Age is just a number!

Age is no indication of your ability to run. Anyone can run no matter how old they are and I have seen many 20 year olds who can barely run a mile and 80 year olds that cross the finish line at a marathon with energy to spare!

 

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Johannes

Some people come into our lives, leave footprints on our hearts,

and we are never the same. ~ Anonymous

His name was Johannes.

He was the second of five boys. All only a few years apart.

His dad was one of the most prominent eye surgeons in Germany who practiced in a major clinic just around the corner from the house I grew up in.

And on May 17th, 1985 Johannes jumped out of his father’s office window on the 5th floor and to his death. He was 26 years old.

Of all my adolescent memories this is by far the most traumatic and is the one that has stuck with me to this day.

Johannes was one of the most brilliant people I had ever met. He breezed through high school without ever having to worry about not getting an A+. He spoke several languages fluently and had a natural gift for music that left those who knew him breathless. And yet, he was a very lost and tortured soul. A good soul, but a soul that could no longer deal with being around those who loved him most.

I remember the day he died as if it was yesterday. I was at a friend’s house who lived right next to Johannes’ family. Caroline’s dad was the main anesthesiologist and critical care doctor at the same hospital Johannes’ dad worked. Words cannot describe what went through my head when he came home that night of May 17th and told us that he had been called to the scene first in the hopes that he could save the life of his friend’s and colleague’s son, a life said son could no longer bear to live.

The news of this tragic event went around our small community like wildfire but the shock we all felt was nothing in comparison to what Johannes’ suicide did to his own family. The night of her son’s unimaginable death his mother went to bed a mostly dark haired woman only to wake up completely grey the next morning. She had aged decades in the course of a few hours. His father, grief stricken beyond anything one, who has not been through the same emotional turmoil, can understand was a mere shell of himself for months.

Many days I saw both of Johannes’ parents walking in their expansive back yard, hand in hand, holding each other up, yet unsteady in each other’s company. For those of us close to the family it became apparent that a rift had opened up in Johannes’ family that could never be repaired and we started to wonder if his parents’ marriage would survive.

What their brother’s suicide did to the rest of the boys was not immediately apparent but turned into one of the most heart breaking episodes of my life. Although at the time I was clueless.

In August of the same year I went on my Senior Class trip to Prague. One of Johannes’ brothers, who was in my grade went on the same trip. Jürgen was admired by many of my (female!!!) classmates. Like his older brother he had a brilliant mind, which in combination with his almost unreal good looks, made him a prime target for adolescent fantasies. With the exception of yours truly. Besides being on friendly terms he had never really caught my attention. And therefore it is still a mystery to me how I got myself so involved with this young man that it almost ruined my entire future.

It started innocently enough on the bus ride to the Golden City with jokes and innocent touches. By the time we were on our way back home I was so head over heals in love I would have done anything to keep the relationship alive. Little did I know at the time that I almost lost myself in the process to do just that.

I did understand that Jürgen was still in mourning over his brother at the time of our trip, even though he never talked about it and I never pushed him to do so. Not then and not any time over the months that followed. In fact in all those months he only mentioned Johannes once. Looking back I realize that deep down I knew from the beginning that this was a fragile relationship, one that could shatter at any moment.

What I did not know while I was blissfully walking hand in hand through Prague was that Johannes had been in love with a girl that had left him to pursue a modeling career in Paris and his younger brother had gotten it in his head that this was the reason for Johannes’ depression and suicide.

Instead I let myself love someone that was emotionally completely unavailable, and when I say “love” I don’t mean this lightly. I truly and utterly loved this boy, more so than I had ever loved anyone. It‘s not that I had not had my fair share of boyfriends before my life was taken hostage, but it had become clear to me very early on that being with Jürgen felt different than anything I had ever felt before. It was truly scary and definitely overwhelming. Especially since it had also become very clear from the beginning that this feeling was not mutual, or, if it was, he was never going to allow it to flourish.

And hence began a torturous game of back and forth, giving and taking, not giving back and taking more. I tried my hardest to push back but every time I did Jürgen would pull me back, and every time I hoped it would be better this time around. It never was. His fear of commitment and getting hurt overshadowed everything else and left me broken and deeply wounded. No matter how much I gave of myself it never felt enough and I became completely occupied with trying to make Jürgen love me back as much as I loved him.

The fact that he would never really let go only made matters worse. It would have been easier if had just kicked me to the curb told me straight that he did not want to be in this relationship, but he never did. Instead he just manipulated me from a distance that was comfortable for him. And for me, there was no way out. I had completely lost all rational thought and let myself be manipulated beyond reason.

When it finally did end I had lost 10 pounds from my already slim frame and almost failed High School, my heart broken beyond repair, or so I thought.

It took me years to get over this “relationship” and him. Years of healing and finding new trust. In the end it was  Jürgen himself who helped me the most. We had not seen each other for a few years when we ran into each other at a friend’s wedding. At first my heart skipped a beat but eventually I was able to actually have a conversation with him. We even danced, which almost made me cry. A week later his letter arrived, the first of many. A letter that started a most intense exchange of communication I have ever had. He wanted to explain himself and because I still cared for him I let him. I also wanted answers and saw this as my chance. I got them all. He needed emotional closeness to someone at the time we went to Prague. Closeness he could not get at home. Closeness, he himself was unable to feel to anyone. He wanted and needed to feel loved but was scared beyond words of loving himself. His brother’s death had taken all of it away from him. I cried! And we both healed over the course of many letters and exchanges!

I still think of him and what suicide can do to a family. Through Adrienne’s passing I know that the death of a child brings unimaginable sorrow to the parents. Imagine the cause of death being suicide… Johannes’ suicide became a part of me even though I was not immediate family. His horrible death had an impact on not only his family’s life but the life of those who loved and still love them.  I am sure his parents never got over the tragic loss of their son and I only hope that his brothers are living lives filled with happiness and love.

Jürgen and I stayed in touch for a while after I moved back to the States but over the years we have lost contact. The last I heard of him he was married with two children and my hope for him is that he himself feels unconditional love for his wife and family, because everyone deserves this. I wish nothing but the best for him and hope that true heartbreak will never enter his life again.

My experience at the tender age of 18 did not only cause grief and heartache, however. It showed me how much I am capable of baring my soul to another person and letting them into my heart. Something I cherish deeply to this day.

 

Today’s Running Tip: Feeling blue? Go for a run!

Running and exercise in general is a proven stress buster and helps relieve anxiety. Working out helps with self esteem, gets your heart rate up and eases muscle tension, which in turn will help you relax, stay alert and therefore better able to face every day problems.  And what better stimulant than taking a run in fresh air.

 

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Happy Easter

I am not a religious person. I am not even what you would consider a spiritual being. I grew up Lutheran by default as that was my parents “religion” and therefore on my birth certificate. The End!

Germany does not have a separation of church and state and everyone automatically belongs to one church/religion or another. You pay church tax that comes directly out of your paycheck unless you make a conscious effort to opt out, sign the necessary paperwork and pay a fee. I did just that when I turned 18. And even though there is no official separation religion plays a much lesser role in politics and every day life than it does here, where we supposedly have said separation. Go figure!

For as long as I can remember religion has always been a bit suspect to me and if I had to choose a faith for myself I would probably go with Buddhism, which is more of a philosophy. A philosophy that thrives to end suffering, achieve nirvana, and escape what is seen as a cycle of suffering and rebirth. Which is just the opposite of what most other religious branches seems to be after. As we know most wars are being fought over differences in religious beliefs and the amount of bloodshed “in the name of God” is rather off putting to me personally.

But I do understand that for many people their belief is essential to their (well) being and I truly respect everyone’s religious freedom, just as long as they do not scrutinize me as a non believer. I had an almost traumatizing experience with rather overzealous religious fanatics (yes, fanatics) my first year in college and still shudder thinking about those weeks where people would show up on my door step in the middle of the night to scream at me for knowing “the truth” and refusing to be “born again”. Interestingly enough I never heard of a believer experiencing the same trauma at the hand of a non believer although I am sure it is possible. Maybe!

In any case, I don’t want to get into too many details as it is Holy week and Pesach and I want to respect those for whom this is the highest holiday of the year.

With that in mind I am here to tell you that Easter has always been my favorite holiday, especially when it falls in April. It marks the end of winter and spring is in full bloom, summer on its way. Yes, even as a kid summer was my all time favorite season. All throughout my childhood and adolescence Easter was associated with fun times. I usually spent the holiday and three weeks off from school with my aunt and uncle in Vienna. My aunt used to go all out for Easter with egg colorings (my favorite) and lots of baked goods.  For Easter week we always went spring skiing. The snow was still powdery and soft, the sky deep blue, the sun was shining and the temperatures were warm enough to hit the slopes in a T-shirt. And we always ended up with the typical spring skiing tan lines. Badges of honor! The honor of being outdoors and enjoying a sport I love almost as much as running. And one year I had the extra bonus of falling in love with a local, a teenage crush (OK, I cried all the way back to Vienna!) but it made this holidays just a bit more delicious!

To this day I love this time of year. In the desert spring is in the air, the mornings are still cool enough to run comfortably and the evenings are starting to get balmy. The mid day temperatures are warm and the pool is still cool enough to be refreshing. After Easter most of the snowbirds will go back to their northern states and everything starts to slow down, traffic eases and the gym will empty out.

I cannot wait for summer!!!

Today’s Running Tip: Summer races!

Spring is the ideal time to prepare for summer races. Speed work in spring, when temperatures are still on the cool side, will help you develop the strength, speed, and power you will need for summer races.

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